Simone enjoys fashion and fashion accessories. She also finds garments to be more about strategy than stereotypes.
How to Stuff a Bra
When God handed out breasts, he pulled a fast one on me and tossed over two anemic English muffins. Thank goodness for modern technology, eh?
To be honest, I've never stuffed a bra before, mostly because I like to forget the stark reality that I am not, indeed, still 11 years old. Nevertheless, I am very impressed by all the options that small-breasted ladies such as myself (not to mention the non-breasted, cross-dressing gentlemen who frequently put us to shame in the good looks department) have when it comes to making our modestly endowed chests look a bit more curvy.
Let us peruse the options together and discuss both the good and regrettable features of each. By the end of this overview, you shall be sure to know which bra-stuffing technology is best for your budget, needs, and capricious whims.
The Basic Offerings
Let's get real, dear reader. Pretty much anything can be put in a bra. That's one of the things that makes bras so awesome. But while many a woman is known to stuff the odd cell phone/ticket /cash wad in her bra, the best (or most commonly used) options for bra stuffing are as follows:
- Falsies/chicken cutlets
- Built-in padding (padded bras)
Let's have a look at the merits and pitfalls of each option in greater detail below.
The Chicken Cutlet/Falsies
By far the most "professional" means of stuffing a bra involves the use of chicken cutlets.
The day your gentle author was introduced to these hidden accessories was at Senior Prom, when one of these oversized flesh-colored clam meat discs was flung at the Prom Queen.
As it happens, these devices make for excellent projectiles. Keep that in mind.
The primary purpose of these funny-looking things, however, is to make your breasticles look bigger. They do so well by sitting at the bottom of a bra, thereby displacing what little flesh you have and making it seem like you are far more endowed than you may wish to admit.
The upside to chicken cutlets is that they may be employed whenever one wishes and removed at will. The downside is that they can become sweaty and uncomfortable to wear, and, if worn inconsistently, they may reveal to the general public that you are packing silicone.
These caveats are entirely nullified by the aforementioned option to use the cutlets as airborne weaponry, which I highly recommend. Think of them as soft shiruken that you can keep in your bra.
To be honest, only padded bras have taken up permanent residence in my boob-boosting arsenal, mostly because one is hard-pressed to find bras in my size that are not padded. The lovely thing about padded bras is that one need not worry about stuffing. They are the pre-stuffed, ready-to-bake pastries of the bra stuffing world.
What's more, many padded bras are filled with the most delightful substances. While the mundane normal foam ones may still be found, more and more padded bras may now be found with fascinating gel and memory foam augmentations, which contribute not only to a more natural appearance but are also delightful to poke and squeeze.
The one downside of this lovely feature is that one may find oneself prodding at one's chest a bit too often, for the memory foam makes it all too satisfying to do so.
Tissues & Toilet Paper
Time and time again, the movies present us with footage of young girls stuffing their vacant bras with toilet paper.
While such scenes are humorous (e.g. one's stuffing being used as tissues to dab away tears in times of distress), they perpetuate a terrible practice that must be stopped.
Tissues and toilet paper make for terrible stuffing options. Though the materials are cheap and readily available, they quickly collapse within one's bra and are not at all convincing-feeling when subjected to hugs, furtive fondlings, or football-style chest bumps. What's more, absolute disaster may ensue should one be caught unprepared in a rainstorm and positively soaked.
When it comes to paper augmentation, just say no.
Apparently teens these days have gotten it into their heads that socks are a viable bra-stuffing material.
To be fair, socks are soft, moldable, and readily available, but let's be practical here, they're just not meant for your chest. They're just not!
Believe me, you do not want your chest to have any chance of smelling of feet. Also keep in mind that socks, even in the best of times, are lumpy. One does not want to have lumpy-looking breasts. I say it's better to have no lumps at all than lumpy lumps.
So leave out the socks, too.
In the end, bra stuffing is best left to padding or falsies. It's that simple.
Yes, we live in an age of choice and ingenuity, but when it comes to making one's superfluous chestal appendages appear larger than they are, one had best not get too creative. Unless one wishes to construct fem-bot style boob firearms. In that case, invent away!
No matter what you stick in your bra, I hope you have fun putting it there. And don't get too tied up in appearances. It's just your body. Take what you've got and work with it!
What have YOU put in your bra? Got any good bra stuffing stories?
Marry More on August 17, 2017:
Good info share.
Oge on January 26, 2016:
Kinda helpful. Thanks
anonymous on May 29, 2014:
water balloons and they work great... just wear two or three bras to hold em in place
anonymous on March 07, 2014:
yes using water balloons
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on October 22, 2012:
Wow, baseballs! Points for creativity, Kelly- plus, now you can play catch whenever you like just by pulling out a ball!
kelly on October 18, 2012:
i use baseballs...cuz i dont want my grandparents to know that i stuff my bra so i cant buy anything!! i need it 100% free and im an A but the baseballs make me like at least a 38B
Lovelovemeloveme from Cindee's Land on August 04, 2012:
HAHA, really? socks? youths sure are innovative these days lol
Mehak on July 07, 2012:
Hey, thanks for the great hub. I had loads of fun reading it. Cracked me up!
But let's get serious for a minute? I am on my way to 14 and I don't have the biggest size. But I am extremely happy with my girls ;)
Just up until last year, I had *very* small breasts. I went from an 30AA to a 30B. And I was tiny. I actually tried stuffing my bra with toilet paper, but I'd never heard of socks! Ew!
I once heard that massaging your breasts help the blood circulation to them and, in time, they grow.
I was a skeptic at first but I tried it anyway, massaging my breasts just before I went to sleep. In just over a month, my breast size went from 30B to 34C! I never realised the difference until my bra cut into my skin and hurt me. I went in for a proffesional measure last week and was shocked!
Also, don't wear a bra to bed. It cuts *off* good circulation to your breasts.
I'm very happy now and I just thought I would give some advice to those small-chested girls out there.
In short - *don't* wear a bra to bed and massage your breasts every night for a few minutes :)
And stugod, looks like you have another job on your hands ;)
I'm sure you won't mind though.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on February 13, 2012:
Whoah, double-bra-ing it! Ingenious, gvfytfdghye9sok!
gvfytfdghye9sok on February 11, 2012:
by far the best thing to do is wear to bras one push up and one over that it helps give you a lifted and "big" look.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on September 21, 2011:
Nneez-itsa, thanks so much for the insightful comments. It sounds like ladies are good to go no matter what they do or what their cup sizes are- stuffed or not. I'm glad!
Hehee, thanks Ausseye! I'm glad you're for letting things be as they are. And do keep in mind that not all gals go for the bodybuilder type. I myself err in favor of the skinny types, and most of my gal pals do, too.
Ausseye on September 06, 2011:
Simone:Gees SS, started reading this thinking it would really help me to looking my best, then I remembered I was a bloke and the body-building thing was just a bit beyond me..I'm a skinny runt so my size is set, game and match. Mind you it did come to my attention that SS wrote this giving advice to the young and powerless, and then SS reminded me as being famous in a world gone mad with ZZZ's or something like that while marching with stiffened legs, small tops and straight legs seemed to fit.
Loved the hub as it kept things samll and natural, made me want to go burn the padded bra shop or protest about using small ideas to grow big and rich....ahhh where on earth is this leading...oh yes now I remember small is beautiful, say no to the padding and save the our over big carbon world so the world doesn't et too hot and make us all wear bikies.....good one Simone or should that be SS.
nneez-itsa on September 05, 2011:
And one last thing...to Baileybear, who commented that when she asked her husband what post-pregnancy small breats would look like, he commented that they would look like 'tea-bags', and it would be a disappointment to undress a women like that, well, that is the difference he should have truly realized. The difference between the breasts of a 'girl' as compared to the breasts of a 'WOMAN'!
The 'girl' may be fun to look at, but when it comes to relationships and marriage, I'll take the 'woman' over the girl any day of the week, and half-a-dozen times on Sunday!!
nneez-itsa on September 05, 2011:
I am 58 years young at this writing, and I have been fortunate to have dated many women in my life. Some of them had large breats...some had small breats...and pretty much everything in between.
Although I consider myself a 'breast-man', my overview of dating any particular women has never been based on her breast size. I am not even one to say I have 'type' of women I usually date, as here again, I have dated slim to average women, and even women who one might say had a 'few extra pounds' to women who were heavy.
My wife believes she has small breasts, though to tell the truth, I have always thought they fit perfectly in my hands.
So, I suppose I can understand the womens perception of her breats size, as with so many men who are concerned with the size of their penis, i.e. too big (yes it can be too big), too small, too thin, etc. Still, as I stated earlier, I wouldn't refuse to date a women based on her breats size.
'False advertising'? Maybe, to some men, unless there is a vast disparity beween 'dressed' and 'undressed'. But then, aren't we speaking more to deceit, rather than breast size? Chris Rock, the comedian, once said in one of his stand-ups, that men tell the most lies, but women are the biggest liars, i.e. "Your wearing make-up...you don't really look like that! Your wearing hair extensions...your hair ain't that long! Your wearing high-healed shoes...you ain't that tall!" Funny comedic points, but are we, as a society, really that superficial?
My wife is a small women who has small breats and is slightly chubby...I met her that way, and married her that way. And yes, she was wearing a padded bra when we met. Was I disappointed at our first mutual undressing? Not in the least. For what she lacks in breast size, she makes up for in so many other ways.
Stop worrying ladies, for though you may consider yourself lacking in the ta-ta area, you too have more to offer than just something to squeeze in both hands. Love what you have, and you will find someone who will love them (and you) too!
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on September 01, 2011:
Thanks Miss Paula!
Miss Paula on August 31, 2011:
Very funny, but i don't need to stuff, but If i did there's some very interesting ideas in this hub thanks
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on August 11, 2011:
Oh man, stugod. LOL.
I'm glad to hear you're entirely cool with light-chested gals, Slarty O-Brian! And gravity is indeed kinder to such folk. And once again- LOL!!
Ron Hooft from Ottawa on August 10, 2011:
What a funny hub. ;) I have never had a problem with woman with small breasts. Many men don't. You should be happy that gravity will be much kinder to you as you age.
My wife had nice little sunny side up eggs when she was young. I almost regret ruining them by getting her pregnant. But such is life.
Actually, it's: "Anything over a mouth full is wasted."
It's an old adage my mother told me that I've always lived by. ;)
Stuart Goddard from Bradford on August 08, 2011:
Well in regard to only having two. Young Bull says to the old Bull... Let's charge over to that field with all the cows in and mate with one of them. Old bull(ME) says let's walk over and mate with all of them. HmmmmmmmpH
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on August 08, 2011:
OH MY GOD!!! I COULD NOT ASK FOR BETTER ADS ON THIS HUB!!
That is brilliantly hilarious, melbel! So glad you shared that screenshot! Heheee!! The ad is definitely funnier!!
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on August 03, 2011:
But you only have two, stugod. That's going to be hard to monetize.
And whaaa? I've never heard of nursing pads before, tchenruiz! Intriiiiguing!
tchenruiz from San Francisco Bay Area on August 02, 2011:
How about nursing pads? Great if you just need a little "filler", so your bra doesn't look collapsed under a tight T-shirt.
Stuart Goddard from Bradford on July 28, 2011:
Well I waited long enough for someone to get it in but to no avail. The only way to stuff your bra is with my old hands. Needy not greedy.lol.lol.lol
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on July 28, 2011:
And GO FOR THE GOLD, GARRETT MICKLEY!!!
I hope you find the opportunity quite soon, Multiman :D
Multiman on July 27, 2011:
Thanks, I can't wait to try this! Vote Up. :-)
stugod on July 27, 2011:
I should clear this up straight away. No back door action implied or given From old school Stuart Goddard. better use my real name to avoid confusion.
Garrett Mickley from Jupiter, Florida on July 27, 2011:
Thanks so much! I'll use these tips this weekend!
stugod on July 26, 2011:
I did once date a chick who had bigger shoulder blades than boobs. This was very confusing in our early days of courtship. If she smelled good she was facing me. If she smelled bad it was the other side. HmmmmmpH
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on July 26, 2011:
Hahaa, that's hilarious FloraBreenRobison! I hope I can find a clip of that online.
Hey, it would be awesome, wouldn't it K9keystrokes???
Cheers Stephen Kalu :D
And NIIIICE JamesMcAlhanyJr! That's one of my favorite photos on flickr. Great minds think alike, eh?
JamesMcAlhanyJr from Melbourne, Florida on July 24, 2011:
This is too funny, I actually used the picture that you have on this hub for my fantasy football team: The Bud Light Bears.
stephen kalu from Nigeria on July 24, 2011:
Nice hint on that
India Arnold from Northern, California on July 22, 2011:
"You know what would be awesome? Gel-based ones that are refrigerateable / microwavable, to keep one satisfied in hot/cold weather!"
Simone...you are hilarious: and an evil genius! ;P
FloraBreenRobison on July 22, 2011:
Talking about water balloons reminds me of an episode of The Golden Girls where blanche put baloons in her bra --not filled with water-and there was a scene where they deflate when a man is holding her in hisarms. I loved that show. Betty White is the sole surviving cast member now.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on July 22, 2011:
I've totally rocked water balloons before, Becky! It's so much fun, jumping up and down with water balloons stuffed in your shirt. What's even better is doing a rough chest bump with someone else and totally soaking them! I guess they're a good option of you're not afraid to get your clothes wet :D
Hahaa, glad you still found the Hub amusing, wychic! If only cup sizes could be exchanged like trading cards, eh?
LEG MEN FTW, Wesman Todd Shaw!!!
And kimh039, I am very pleased to report that there is a wide variety of padded swimsuits out there! Have a look- you'll see!!! ... though stugod's solution is brilliant. :D
Thanks, Jennie Demario! And hmm... how about water balloons filled with glitter? Then one has two glitter bombs on hand! The lotion ain't a bad idea, but it'd sure muss up clothes when water would just get them wet.
Becky makes a very important point, AgesMGMT. Of all my tiny non- sports bras, only four are unpadded. They're super hard to find!
Thank you very much, invitationwrite!
And daaang, Debra Charney. What's not to love about ANYTHING with Miracle in its name? You know, there used to be a kid at my middle school named Miracle Moses. Awesome name.
I'm honored by your praise, K9keystrokes! And I bet your friend puts everyone to shame with her good looks, cutlets and all. If only they made them more comfortable! Oh! Oh! You know what would be awesome? Gel-based ones that are refrigerateable / microwavable, to keep one satisfied in hot/cold weather!
stugod on July 22, 2011:
Fear not fair bloom kimh039. Well sort of. In case of accidental loss while swimming scream at the top of your voice "Jelly fish"!!! and whilst everyone exits the pool retrieve your enhancements. Mike Myers covered the floater in The Spy who Shagged me although this was a different type of floater. What you need is the smg design breast arrestor gel. It comes in three colours. Is water proof to 6 atmospheres and tells the time on four different continents. (made the last bit up). Rivals who stirred up a media frenzy and stated it was in fact super glue were just jealous. In any event it was all a storm in a D cup you might say. Note! please seek medical advise before super gluing enhancements to your chest.
Kim Harris on July 22, 2011:
I'm very disappointed with this hub, Simone. I am desperately seeking ideas on how to fill my swimsuit top so the filling doesn't float out while I'm swimming. Perhaps another hub. Thanks anyway.
Wesman Todd Shaw from Kaufman, Texas on July 21, 2011:
Simone - you are a riot.
I understand women's obsession with their breast sizes. . . .but breasts aren't my favorite thing so far as the female anatomy is concerned.
I go for those long cyclist legs, and that big ol' brain!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Leg Men RULE!
India Arnold from Northern, California on July 21, 2011:
Simone, I laughed my rear off with this one! Your poignant phrasing and colorful sentence structure had me on the floor. Stuffing has not been an issue for me personally, but I do know many who feel this is an important topic. A (born male) friend of mine uses the cutlets you mention, but also agrees with the comfort issue you discuss. When She dresses to nines though--a more beautiful female figure does not exist!
This is fun, informative and offers some truly superb bra stuffing advice. Way up and awesome!
Debra Buckland from United States on July 21, 2011:
I like your sense of humor. Voted funny. By the way, Victoria's Secret has a great Miracle Bra. Gives you an extra cup size. Looks great in the swim suit line, too!
invitationwrite on July 20, 2011:
By the way I voted up and funny,thanks??
Becky on July 20, 2011:
AgesMGMT, you probably have never been shopping for a bra, in fact, I know you haven't. So here is the scoop, you cannot find bras in A or B cup that are not padded. That is fact. Ask at your local stores and you will find out. It isn't her fault.
AgesMGMT from New York on July 20, 2011:
i'm dating a girl right now who where's a padded bra, and to be honest it kinda pissed me off when I found out. I'm still dating her and still would have dated her if I knew her breasts were smaller. Anyway I guess if they are more comfortable then that is a different reason but I see no reason to give off this false representation of yourself.
Venture Boyz from Floating in the clouds on July 20, 2011:
Ha great ideas here Simone. Becky you can not be serious!!! Water ballons, really? That is awesome. That is actually a great idea. What about water balloons filled with lotion or some type of thicker fluid that would be less likely to explode or leak. Hmmm. I'll be back.
Rebecca Mikulin from Sheridan, Wyoming on July 20, 2011:
While this doesn't have much practical application for me (in fact, I've offered to give away a few cup sizes so I can stop traveling 200 miles to shop in the nearest specialty store), it was certainly an enjoyable read. I'll certainly have to pass this on to my sister, who accuses me of having stolen all there was available in the family :P.
Becky on July 20, 2011:
Here is another option for your stuffing. My daughters' friend used water balloons. They were great until the ride home on the bus when she got shoved a little too hard. The balloon burst and she ended up soaking wet and lopsided. She got teased about that for quite a while. Soft and squishy though.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on July 20, 2011:
Wow stugod. The Dr Carter Cheek Parter sounds like a the holy grail of the lingerie industry. Lordy lord!
And underwires really are something, aren't they, purplerose! So true though, about everyone looking in the mirror and wanting something else... and it's not just the case in the chest department!
I'm glad you're free of the burden, pics hosting. Though bra stuffing can always be enjoyed recreationally!
Oooh, thanks so much for the insider dude POV on false advertising, leroy64! Noted! And appreciated! The charade shall continue!
They *should* be called titting points, stugod.
And eeeeexcellent, anglnwu! It is quite amazing how humankind has applied so much effort and intelligence in the bra department.
Thanks for the kind words, Patty Inglish MS and onethousandpoems!
And heeeeeeeeeeee... you might think raw chicken cutlets would be a bad thing, Wayne Brown, BUT... think of how handy they'd be if everyone were starving around a campfire? Or if an overly-pursued woman wanted to give salmonella poisoning to any man fresh enough to try to cop a feel? Hehee.
Rochelle Frank, I shall have to check out that Hub. What promising title! Off I go!
Hup an under!
Rochelle Frank from California Gold Country on July 20, 2011:
Yes, I thought the chicken cutlets were a meat counter item, as I had never heard the term used that way. I know some skirts have 'pork chop' pockets, but I have found that they are not practical for holding real pork chops. That being said, I hope you might look a my hub, "OK Ladies, What's in your Bra", for a few more options.
Wayne Brown from Texas on July 20, 2011:
Funny stuff but true as well. You shook me up there a bit when you discussed the chicken cutlets. I had horrible visions of young women running the bars with raw chicken breasts in their bras...love to go home with that! Yeehaw! Thanks for sharing. WB
onethousandpoems on July 20, 2011:
This is an excellent and most hilarious hub I found here.
Patty Inglish MS from USA and Asgardia, the First Space Nation on July 19, 2011:
Very very funny!
anglnwu on July 18, 2011:
You cracked me up. As one less endowed than I would like to be, i must say that these suggestions have sprouted ideas in my head. Haha--things we would do. Goes to show how ingenious we can be. Rated up.
stugod on July 18, 2011:
leroy64 is spot on here. The industry term for it is the tipping point. Not titting point a common misconception. Once at this stage there is no going back inverted nipples or no inverted nipples. Its more common name being the point of no return. In any event once at this stage copping a feel is a must. Amateur short wave radio buffs are notorious for spending hours on this activity seems almost endemic to them. Myself I usually head south asap. Not one to miss an opportunity. Had a bad experience as a teenager when it was "snatched" away from me. Snooze Ya Loose so long suckers.
Brian L. Powell from Dallas, Texas (Oak Cliff) on July 17, 2011:
I learned more than I wanted to; but, I could not stop reading. One male observation on the comment about "false advertising". Once we guys get to the point of undressing our girlfriend, dates, etc., I assure you we are quite beyond disapointment. Just keep up the act so his friends will be jealous.
pics hosting on July 16, 2011:
no need to stuff any thing in bra.
purplerose on July 15, 2011:
i dont have the bra stuffing problem, but sometimes wish i did. now that i am older i hate having to tuck them into my waistband or sling them over my shoulders to keep them out of my way. just kidding, a really stiff matronly underwire does the trick instead. seriously i dont think there is a woman alive anywhere in the developed world who has not looked at her breasts and wished they were bigger smaller rounder firmer softer etc etc etc. sad really isn't it that we still judge ourselves on bodily attributes that we cant really change in the normal course of our lives.
stugod on July 14, 2011:
Thank you Simone Although the thong does match with the over the Shoulder Boulder Holder we do sell it separately. If this is the case you should order the Dr Carter Cheek Parter. Before you suspend your belief please bear with me a second. Dr Carter was our lead designer in our lingerie department and met with a tragic accident late one night. whilst carrying out some design details. At the coroners inquest a verdict of death by misadventure was recorded "An understatement if ever there was one". I still see the rather large lady who was modelling that fateful night from time to time gibbering and trembling her way along the side walk. She occasionally shouts "Hup an under" but have no idea why. In any event we decided to name the garment after our sadly departed colleague.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on July 14, 2011:
Oh, and thank you ever so, fashion! :D
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on July 14, 2011:
I shall have to trot over to the local VS store and have a look at this bombshell bra, danielleantosz! Sounds most promising... I mean, ANYTHING that refers to explosives can't be all that bad, eh?
Thanks Lady_E- and yeah, I think it's a wise choice.
Thanks to you, too, KMattox! The understudy role is YOURS!
Those are very flatting words, camsolivia! I am most honored. And shiruken are those ninja stars that one can throw :D I love the idea of using cutlets as ninja stars.
So glad it's not that bad, Peggy W! And lucky you for being so well endowed in the chest department! While stuffing is fun, methinks a life of dignity has its own special allure.
Thanks for clearing things up stugod. And goodness! I didn't realize your Shoulder Boulder Holder is part of a matching set! Brilliant!
LOL @Bailebear! And seriously. I knew they were machine gun jublys (I can HEAR Austin Powers saying that line!), but I had no idea they were 9mm. So glad we have some real experts in the thread.
fashion on July 14, 2011:
Such a funny hub and well written.A serious issue is created in a fun.I have no words.
Baileybear on July 14, 2011:
stugod - only a male would know what kind of boob firearms they were
Baileybear on July 14, 2011:
Peggy - my hubby tells a joke about the old woman feeling all nice and warm. Her husband says that's because one boob is in her porridge and the other is in her cup of tea!
Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on July 13, 2011:
Wish I had that problem! Just the opposite... No padded bras or need for toilet paper or socks here! Of course with age...the bigger they are...have you seen the granny cartoons with the wahoos hanging down to her knees? Not quite that bad yet I am happy to report. :))
Camille Olivia Strate from Planet Earth on July 13, 2011:
As I said (a minute ago)...you are a HOOT! I LOVE this article. Still laughing (now) as I type this little note of gratitude. Not only is it funny, it's really quite eloquently written; in other words, your style is BEAUTIFUL! One question though: what, pray tell, is "shiruken"? Looked it up (in my huge, leather-bound dictionary as well as online) and could not find a definition.
Thanks for your hysterically funny "tips".
KMattox from USA on July 13, 2011:
By the way I voted up and funny :)
KMattox from USA on July 13, 2011:
Hi Simone! Great hub, very funny! It's a little disappointing knowing the job of inspector is taken, but what the heck maybe I can be understudy?
In any case, I saw that you visited my hub and thought I would return the favor. When I read the title I just couldn't resist, so I read this one first. I going to look at some of your other hubs now also. This is funny and very well written. Thanks again.
Elena from London, UK on July 13, 2011:
Fun Hub and useful too. I'd go with Padded instead of surgery. :)
Baileybear on July 13, 2011:
firearms - ha ha. Didn't they have something like that on Austin Powers?
danielleantosz from Florida on July 13, 2011:
Funny hub! On a more serious note, there are self adhesive "chicken cutlets" that work really well, and while I do not like promoting actual products, the Victoria Secret Bombshell bra is freaking awesome. Mine can be regular straps or cross backed, which helps since I have a bad back.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on July 12, 2011:
This is quite true, Baileybear. Quite true indeed. Though I think there are *some* instances in which the crazy padding and tight tops is appropriate. Sometimes one wishes to add comedic value to one's appearance.
And thank god for scaffolding! Love the stuff. As for boob surgery... yeah, I'll be passing on that, too..... until they can build in sonar and GPS. I'm really intent on that. Or maybe firearms. That'd be awesome.
And stugod, that sounds like a most wondrous invention! And I'm glad you've purchased that hand warming device, because good god, nothing spells discomfort like an icy hand!!
Baileybear on July 10, 2011:
Small busts are much easier to dress than large busts. Just don't go and draw extra attention with tight tops after all the padding - when it sits too high it looks strange.
As for my 'girls' they've been stretched from pregnancy. Need to hoist them up in scaffolding (bra). Said to hubby that even if I could afford a breast-lift, I wouldn't have one - apparently boob surgery is horrendously painful for starters. It all goes south eventually.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on July 10, 2011:
You know it, stugod. And excellent! You're on as our official breast inspector then.
And DRAT, Baileybear! Go on and dash my breast augmentation dreams. I was hoping to have special ones engineered complete with built-in sonar and GPS. But now you've made them seem so... tacky.
You flatter me, Mark Ewbie. Do go on. And suuure, intellect matters.... I guess.....
Curves, eh Chatkath? Most interesting- especially that they've become less popular! I wonder if women are becoming more popular indeed... or if plastic surgery is just becoming more cost-effective.
I think anyone is justified to give tissue-stuffing a go for at least a short period, kittythedreamer. Glad you've moved on to the padded bras, though! Goodness gracious, I love mine.
Kitty Fields from Summerland on July 10, 2011:
Too stinkin' hilarious! Admittedly, I used to use tissue as a pre-teen. Half of my friends already had b and c cups and I was slacking with barely an a. Nowadays I just love myself and I love what I got so I don't feel a need for stuffing any longer...but I do get a nice padded bra with a lot of lift. :)
Kathy from California on July 10, 2011:
How funny Simone- For 12 years I worked at Bodylines where we marketed "Curves" (they look a lot like the cutlets you put in your bra) they were more popular than you might think...Hollywood, etc. This was also during the surgery scare where many "smart" women were scared of the associated problems. I think the popularity tapered off some and I am hoping that women can now try to accept what they have and don't have up top and learn to live with it! I have, although it took me awhile;-) Great Hub Idea!!!! Rated up
Baileybear on July 10, 2011:
You can always say 'more than a handful is a waste'
Mark Ewbie from UK on July 10, 2011:
I probably shouldn't be reading this sort of stuff but it's a great title and by Simone so what else to do? I always say that a womans intellect is vastly more important than her breast size. I always say that...
Baileybear on July 09, 2011:
what's worse than padding is the women that get boob jobs & go over the top by getting many sizes too big for their frame. Looks ridiculous and obvious.
eg check out pics of Rebecca Breeds (Australian Soap actress). She looks like she went from an A cup to a DD, but should have stopped at a B or C if she was going to do that with her body, IMO (she's only short)
stugod on July 09, 2011:
Bloody cheek. I even have the baseball cap with boob inspector logo. Although I must confess I thought they were two cakes with a cherry on each one.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on July 09, 2011:
Good point, Baileybear... I do suppose it'd be awkward to undress a woman only to discover she's been stuffing. It's sort of false advertising in a way. Though I think it could also be quite comedic. But LOL at the super high enormous padded boobs! I suppose that's something to avoid. Which is why all good stuffing options involve things going *below* the breast instead of above.
And I think it's a brilliant solution, drbj. What a fabulous and flattering way to pack a meaty snack, right? And then the cutlets are all nicely preheated!
Ah yes, the frog stuffing option. 'Tis such a good one, stugod- thanks for bringing it up! There is so much we can learn from the classics!
And thanks jacqui2011! I think we should both be proud of the fried eggs on our chests. At least that's less to flop around in an uncomfortable manner, right? And hey, if padding gets you cleavage, that's still more tan I've got! Man, the only cleavage I can produce happens when I bend over when wearing saggy pants.
And right you are, stugod. Eggs is eggs. Though I think we can all agree that one doesn't want scrambled eggs on one's chest. Best keep them fried of boiled.
Lucky you, kat11! You're going to have to flaunt your natural endowment for those of us who have nothing to flaunt. Way to go!!
Stugod, I'm so glad to have your help on this front. Though... you're certified, right? We want to make sure that any inspection is done by real experts, as I'm sure you'll understand. Nothing is so tedious as an inexperienced breast inspector.
kat11 from Illinois on July 09, 2011:
A real unusual hub topic but funny. The only time I really had to do this I was in junior high. I have been told by male friends and my husband that I am just the right size. I am not sure what that means. I also nursed three children part of their first year of life. Now that I am in my late 40's I am still in pretty good shape. Keep writing about the neat topics. You Go Girl!
stugod on July 09, 2011:
I prefer boiled eggs. But what the heck eggs is eggs.
jacqui2011 from Norfolk, UK on July 09, 2011:
Such a funny hub and well written. Im still laughing now. I, too, seem to have been shoved to the back of the queue when breasts were being handed out. I have taken to wearing gell filled bras to give myself some cleavage. The only problem is, when I take my bra off at night its a big disappointment when I see what is left. My partner says I should be proud of my fried eggs!! Lol.
Stuart Goddard from Bradford on July 08, 2011:
I knew a girl who put frogs in here bra.I know she was in one flew over the cuckoos nest. But I sort of knew her. Watched it 3000 times.
drbj and sherry from south Florida on July 08, 2011:
How about using REAL chicken cutlets for bra stuffing? Then you would always know where your next meal is coming from!
Thanks for the funny read, Simone.
Baileybear on July 08, 2011:
ha, that's hilarious. My average-sized boobs have been ruined from pregnancy. I asked hubby what he thought small breasts would look like post-pregnancy. He said, maybe like tea-bags? He thought women stuffing their bras must be a disappointment to undress.
One girl I knew that was self-conscious about her small breasts went overboard with padding - it ended up making her look enormous up too, but sitting too high.
Simone Haruko Smith (author) from San Francisco on July 08, 2011:
FloraBreenRobison- I know, right???
And aw man, ezhang, you've BEEN DOING IT ALLLL WRONG!!! Thank goodness for my helpful guides. WHERE WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT ME????
Thanks BizGenGirl! Just trying to cover the important issues out there. Real hard-hitting stuff, this is.
PermissionGiver from Lake Stevens on July 08, 2011:
You always pick the most interesting topics to hub about, lol.
Edward Zhang from Bay Area, CA on July 08, 2011:
Socks won't do the trick? Oh geez, *now* you tell me! I've been doing it wrong all this time!
FloraBreenRobison on July 08, 2011:
I'm average-sized. I have had padded bras before. I find them more comfortable. This is the first I have heard of socks being used, though! yuck!