How to Gracefully Wear a Short Mini Skirt
Short skirts have manifold benefits. They're convenient. They're fun. They're cute. And they're very easy to move around in. Short miniskirts are the cutting edge in short-skirt living. They're extra fun. Extra cute. Extra easy to move around in. And let's be honest- if you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room.
Alas, living on the edge is dangerous. And because short mini skirts are so... short... the reckless souls wearing them do run a higher risk of looking ridiculous / bad / trampy / gross / distasteful, and downright inelegant.
Luckily, miniskirt hazards can be minimized. All you have to do is keep a handful of precautions in mind when donning them. With just an ounce of extra foresight and the right attitude, maneuvers, and mindset, you can wear a short mini skirt with majestic grace—danger be damned!
Get Some Attitude!
Apparently, folks have this odd impression that miniskirts are all about making a statement. I personally see them as more of a way of life but to each his own.
No matter how you see miniskirts or the wearing thereof, you will have to be prepared to contend with others' reactions to your way of dress. Some will admonish you about hemlines. Others will ask you if you're cold. Others will say... other stuff. I recommend responding to all critiques and comments with benign ignorance—that's what I do. But you may also choose to respond with evil grins, colorful vitriol, or violent retribution.
No matter how you respond to others' commentary on your apparel, you must respond with attitude. You, as a miniskirt wearer, are acting as an ambassador to the world on behalf of all miniskirt kind. Represent us well. We have a reputation to keep up, and develop.
Short mini skirts do absolutely nothing to provide a barrier between your pantied bum and whatever surface you sit on. You might not find this to be particularly troublesome, however, some surfaces, such as seats on public transport, park benches, and the ground, are not exactly clean. Other surfaces, such as some chairs and benches that are otherwise free of germs, harbor particulate matter that might stick to your skin (especially if it's humid outside) when it would simply slide off fabric.
It is therefore important to watch where you park your backside when wearing miniskirts. My general rule of thumb is not to sit down at all. This spares one any contact with unclean surfaces, and ALSO spares one from having to think about what she will place on her lap or how she will cross her legs to make sure that... well, that undergarments are not visible from the front end (because yeah, that's another unfortunate side effect of sitting in a short skirt).
Watch Those Stairs!
Another thing about wearing short skirts is that stairs are an issue. Or they are if you don't want people to see too much.
So here's where your ninja skills come into play! Only dart up stairs when nobody else is behind you, and if anyone ever is, maneuver so that you are BEHIND them. If you must walk up stairs in close proximity with another human, and if, god forbid, you cannot walk behind or beside said person, climb as closely in front of them as possible. The further up you are, the more they'll see.
If you're really extreme (read: cool), you can take the ninja moves a step further by throwing sand into the eyes of those behind you on stairs, so that they are blinded as you ascend (or, if you're particularly lucky, they tumble down the stairs to your great amusement).
Don't Get Too Jumpy
Some gals like to move around a lot. Kicking, dancing, twirling, jumping... whatever. It's good fitness.
Moving is great, but one must move with care when wearing a short mini skirt. There isn't a lot of give, as it were. So one must be sure that the skirt isn't flying up any further than the one or two inches of leeway it offers, coverage-wise. With a bit of practice, anyone will find that this is most manageable.
Of course, one can also take extra precautions by wearing tights for extra coverage. And for ultimate coverage, one can wear leggings. But those somewhat defeat the enjoyment one garners from dangerous, immoral dressing—or at least sneaking about the place wearing practically nothing. It is a trade-off one must consider carefully.
Watch for Wind
Weather forecasts help one to know when one ought to don wellies and a raincoat, or to grab an umbrella on the way out the door. Weather forecasts also aid one in deciding which type of short skirt to wear.
If it sounds as though it's going to be a windy day, you had better wear a tight miniskirt. One that won't flutter too high, because wind has a way with loose, fluttery skirts.
Even if the weather is calm, miniskirters still have to keep an eye out for breezes. Air conditioning vents, exhaust pipes, passing vehicles, and, yes, subway vents, are all responsible for bursts of air that can lead to lapses in grace (because not everyone is Marilyn Monroe).
Wear Nice Underoos... or Bike Shorts
If you're wearing a miniskirt, rest assured there will be slip-ups. No matter how graceful you are. And if there are going to be slip-ups, you had best be prepared.
If you're the modest type, wear a pair of bike shorts. The pair shall need to be short, since most miniskirts are shorter than the average pair of bike shorts, but they're still useful!
If you're not so much the modest type, just make sure you're wearing underpants that would not embarrass you. Like the pair with Barney on them or something. Unless you're a hipster, and in that case, proceed.
Gracefully wearing a short mini skirt takes careful foresight. But it also involves a certain amount of reckless abandon. If you're self-conscious about a short skirt you're wearing, you'll come across as awkward, not graceful. But if you're actively trying to look graceful in a short skirt, you'll come across as preposterous.
The only way to truly wear a miniskirt gracefully is to embrace the hazard. Samurai warriors accepted the fact that, if given a choice between life and death, they would choose death. This enabled them to do everything fearlessly.
If you wear a short skirt, you must accept the fact that you will, at times, look trashy, gross, scandalous, and downright wrong. Once you are at peace with this reality, you can finally flaunt the miniskirt look gracefully. That's just how it works.
Now go forth. And wear skimpy clothing.
© 2011 Simone Haruko Smith