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Top 25 Bizarre Shoes Of The Internet

Updated on September 25, 2014

OMG what are these shoe designers thinking?

After writing the hub “Top 25 Weird Shoes Of The Internet”, I received many comments and compliments by people who not only liked my writing, but found the shoes very strange indeed.

Making part two of this series was a no-brainer, especially as I still haven’t figured out quite what the shoe designers really ARE thinking when they create these bizarre shoes and I can only speculate, in satire.

If you are planning to wear any of these shoes, be very, very careful indeed. I don’t think they were designed for humans...

Enjoy & share!

1. Ice & Metal Queen Heels

Not only do you get to hurt yourself, but now you can spike anyone near you with these rather fabulous-but-bizarre looking shoes. Be the hottest ice queen on the dance floor, with heels reminiscent of Superman’s icicle palace or maybe sharp teeth and broken mirrors.

Either way, you’ll be mistaken for some sort of sado-masochist and only the very strong alpha male (or possibly a hideously subservient one) will approach you. Good for getting rid of wimps and geeks, they just won’t go near these because they’re too much for one sentence.

Verdict: Wear in an ice storm, in an igloo hotel, on a dancefloor if you don’t want to pick up much, or if you’re chasing after Kryptonite.

It’s quite puzzling to ponder the miniature greenery included in this design. Maybe it’s supposed to be reminiscent of the seasons of Iceland?
It’s quite puzzling to ponder the miniature greenery included in this design. Maybe it’s supposed to be reminiscent of the seasons of Iceland?
If anyone calls you a cow ever again they will regret it...big time.
If anyone calls you a cow ever again they will regret it...big time.

2. Cowgirl Heels

If men call you a cow, they can wear it in the teeth with your new hooves. Made from real hooves and fur, you can take revenge on behalf of all cows ever made into hamburgers. Give him a clop to the nose to teach him a lesson, and if he gets up from the ground, you can always fire the heel gun at him. Pair with a furry cowgirl skirt and a rodeo hat for good effect. You can always store the bullets in your bra or on a necklace around your neck.

Verdict: Wear these if you want to teach men a lesson they probably deserve.

These shoes scream “old cunning codger with a sense of humour!” so make sure you don’t have a sense of humour when you go out, just to confuse people.
These shoes scream “old cunning codger with a sense of humour!” so make sure you don’t have a sense of humour when you go out, just to confuse people.

3. Mafia Funeral Halloween Oxfords

I know many men who would love to wear these, simply for the interesting footprints left behind. Perfect for Halloween, funerals and Mafia meetings, you’ll love the way you can add new gold teeth as old teeth drop off or get kicked out. It’s also really interesting the way that walking around in greenery and brownery will make the teeth look realistically decayed. Dog poo never looked so good!

Verdict: These shoes are ideal for killing rodents with – just be sure the guts don’t stick between the teeth, otherwise you’ll have to floss.

You can always tuck flowers into the plaits to add a bit of colour where needed. A large metal cowbell worn as a pendant around the neck is a good accessory.
You can always tuck flowers into the plaits to add a bit of colour where needed. A large metal cowbell worn as a pendant around the neck is a good accessory.

4. Human Hair Heels

Designed in Sweden, from the plaits of 45 year old deceased Swedish milk maids, these heels have hilltop maiden written all over them! Wear with a red chequered plaid skirt, blue cape and long plaits of your own to assist the overall intended design. Not only will you feel good wearing some scalped woman’s hair on your feet, they do feel lovely against your bare skin too.

Verdict: Wear for any Sound of Music theatre production or when you are going out to milk the cows and goats.

Don’t forget to take out the pickles, if so inclined.
Don’t forget to take out the pickles, if so inclined.

5. Hamburger Sneakers

You’ll love this silly sausage of a shoe! But in reality, it’s a hamburger, not a sausage and things can only go downhill from there, especially when you leave tomato sauce dribbled on the white carpet in a trail to your wardrobe for your mum to find.

If you look closely, you can see that a lot of effort has been put into making the laces look like peeled cheese, which is quite weird, considered we’ve all probably never peeled cheese in our lives.

Verdict: Wear it to the local fast food restaurant for a date. Or wear it to advertise for your employer, the fast food restaurant.

6. Alien Fluid Heels

As if some catwalk women weren’t ugly enough already, someone saw fit to design these fluid-like heels that blend well with black stockings to form an impression of….something inhuman. Praised by Scientologists everywhere, the Alien Fluid Heels are a great talking point at science fiction conventions, dianetics sessions and anywhere high fashion resides.

Verdict: If you wish to bend your spine into a fluid position to match the shoes, you’ll be pleased to know that they are very useful for that purpose. Wear for permanent disfiguration.

Make sure you weigh only 15kg when wearing these, otherwise you’re not going to get very far.
Make sure you weigh only 15kg when wearing these, otherwise you’re not going to get very far.
If you want to put dead rats on your feet, it’s your own business. But some people might think you are deranged.
If you want to put dead rats on your feet, it’s your own business. But some people might think you are deranged.

7. Dead Rat Slipper Sneakers

They’re not quite sure if they’re a sneaker or a slipper, a diseased rat or a dead rat. You’ll have tons of fun scaring relatives with these during the holiday season! And if you don’t have a pet, you can always put the rats on your lap and pat them. Just don’t put them near any real pets like cats or dogs, or you might find them mangled in the morning.

Verdict: A perfect disguise for feet that smell bad or have fungal infections – they’ll think it’s the rats. Keep these shoes beside the hostel or hospital bed for maximum impact.

This shoe offers flexible possibilities for adding a face. Or a moustache.
This shoe offers flexible possibilities for adding a face. Or a moustache.

8. The Olive Oyl Shoe

If you’ve ever thought about dating a man who likes his spinach, this is the shoe for you. It is also a big shoe for leg fetishists. Imagine a pair of legs in these shoes and the strange shape they would make where you expect to see a face. Very bizarre. Very trendy. If you have hairy ankles like me, you know you’ll be the talk of the local haberdashery store.

Verdict: A good, sensible shoe to wear when shopping or cooking during the day. Wear with a knee-length or mini skirt. Expect lots of strangers to stare at your legs.

9. Antique Brass Floral Wedge Sandals

A fantastic gift idea for the lady who has too many antiques! Not only are they full of baroque curly bits that will need daily dusting, and weekly wiping, but you can be assured she will need to exercise her thighs properly when walking with the weight of 8kg of brass attached to her heels. Maybe it’s a good gift to get rid of her (you can run away quicker). Or an even better gift to get her in shape. Either way, all you have to do is say “yes dear, you look stunning in them,” and "don't take them off! I love them on you," from time to time.

Verdict: For the lady who needs a man with a serious inheritance. Wear to auctions or moonlit Shakespearean productions.

Don’t forget to take your wallet for the spare $65,000 of antiques you will need to purchase when she wears these to auctions. You’ve shown your generosity by giving her these shoes, now stump up for the real event!
Don’t forget to take your wallet for the spare $65,000 of antiques you will need to purchase when she wears these to auctions. You’ve shown your generosity by giving her these shoes, now stump up for the real event!
Good for being marooned on a desert island – you can rip the zip off and use it for a belt to hold your clothes up, a tribal necklace or a banana strap carrier.
Good for being marooned on a desert island – you can rip the zip off and use it for a belt to hold your clothes up, a tribal necklace or a banana strap carrier.

10. Zipper Shoes

An interesting idea for a low heel, or indeed for anyone’s heel that already sports a hefty callous, rendering it immune to ziplash. I’m not quite sure why a designer would create a shoe for warm weather with wooden soles that you slip in with sweat, allowing the metal zips to heat up in the sun and eat away at your ankles and heels.

Maybe you are supposed to wash your feet in the ocean as you traipse down the beach or rinse them in a pool? But surely salt water, chlorine or sweat would not react well long term with the zip function? There are also other questions, like how to get the blood out of the stinky straps later.

Verdict: Wear if your feet are tired of being comfortable and you want to really hurt them for a change.

Since these boots are reminiscent of goat hooves, maybe they could be used on a farm.
Since these boots are reminiscent of goat hooves, maybe they could be used on a farm.

11. Cloven Toe Boots

Made especially to order for Bjork fans, these cloven toe boots are actually quite comfortable, apart from the part where your toes separate in the middle. Picture yourself wearing them in the Arctic while you skin the blubber off a whale, or maybe wearing them to a pagan festival with a horned masque. You’ll look like an animal of some sort anyway.

Verdict: Wear these boots for skinning animals, or if you’re not quite sure if you belong to mankind.

Don’t walk on any kind of rough surface with these or the foam will rip, rendering your bank account $3,000 poorer.
Don’t walk on any kind of rough surface with these or the foam will rip, rendering your bank account $3,000 poorer.

12. The Blobby Foam Shoe

Appearing to be the most deceptively comfortable shoe in this collection, the Blobby Foam Shoe can be compared to walking around in a beanbag without beans in it. However, the angle on the ankles is a little tough, so it’s probably best if you become a ballerina first. The good news is that your foot will be supported whether you are lying down, sitting or lounging on a couch – you can throw out the feet seats, ottomans and cushions and just go aaaaahhh (or maybe arrrrgggh!) at the end of a long day’s walk in these.

Verdict: For ex-ballerinas and people who like to practise boxing with their feet.

13. The Chunky Architectural Munster Wedge

Learn to walk like Frankenstein! This wedge will assist greatly as you lurch from your local Ikea store to the latest minimalist upcycled furniture convention. Made with materials usually found on modern armchairs, the Architectural Munster Wedge will have you unrelaxed in no time and even the furniture will hear you coming from miles away.

As an added bonus, you'll also be able to explain to ignoramuses that the new building they made last year in the local metropolis was actually designed with your shoes as the inspiration.

Verdict: Wear these if you want to tell the world you are a post modernist with strong ankles, architectural tendencies and a loud physical presence.

Pair with a cardboard skirt and hat made out of a lampshade for maximum impact.
Pair with a cardboard skirt and hat made out of a lampshade for maximum impact.
If you want to be really inventive, you can always create roadblock shoelaces, or maybe a tunnel flap for the train.
If you want to be really inventive, you can always create roadblock shoelaces, or maybe a tunnel flap for the train.

14. Minature Scene Sneakers

A sneaker for the man who loves dioramas. Custom build a 3D minature town scene onto your shoe, so you can feel like a god for a day. Notice the brown earth base colour used on the sneaker – if you look closely, you can see the miniature railway tracks going around the sole.

Feel free to add your personal touch with mini LED Christmas lights, a model railway, a snowy mountain or even a tropical island with palm trees, pirate treasure and sharks. You’ll get a lot of interest from just about everyone with these sneakers – but don’t play football in them!

Verdict: For men who like to stride around in charge of their own private world.

Don’t step in ANYTHING. Unless you enthusiastically remove it, it will be drying out on your heels for the rest of the year.
Don’t step in ANYTHING. Unless you enthusiastically remove it, it will be drying out on your heels for the rest of the year.

15. Spiky Hairbrush Heels

Why carry a hairbrush, when you can just whip these heels off your feet and brush your hair with them? Made for the feminine masochist, these heels were made to hurt everyone, including the wearer, and not just on the head. Be careful not to prick yourself as you slide your feet in and don’t cross your legs while wearing these.

Verdict: For the woman who wants to scream “DON’T TOUCH ME!”

Why anyone thought to make a shoe out of a combination of metal and felt is beyond my comprehension.
Why anyone thought to make a shoe out of a combination of metal and felt is beyond my comprehension.

16. SciFi Metal Felt Confusion Clogs

Attend your next science fiction convention with confidence in these felted metal clogs. They look sort of sci fi, but don’t seem to represent any particular branch or movie so you’ll be able to blend right in whether you go as a superhero, magician, futuristic leader, wasteland survivalist or space hero. Wear them with a white or silver jumpsuit and a little pair of wings. Carry a light sabre, a metal rod or a bag of holding. The choice is up to you – to make it as startling as possible.

Verdict: For the all round science fiction geek.

If you carry a teeny tiny handbag with the outfit, you’ll look just like Mother Goose.
If you carry a teeny tiny handbag with the outfit, you’ll look just like Mother Goose.

17. Duck Duck Goose Heels

Continuing on with animal-themed shoes, the Duck Duck Heels with cause all sorts of quackery at any serious event. Wear them to garden parties, market shopping or even a wedding if you don’t want to be a bridesmaid ever again! As you can see in the picture, they are best paired with white stockings. A yellow or white feathered hat helps a lot too, as does orange makeup.

Verdict: A casual heel for those who want a little fun about town.

18. The No Heeled Heel

Invented as a way to save on shoe costs, the No Heeled Heel is missing one of the most important parts of the shoe. While it is an interesting and unique idea, the lack of a heel in this unusual footwear design may feel strange when walking. A benefit would be that the person behind you won’t kick your heel as there is none to kick, while a problem with the heel could be that it feels unbalanced and you might fall over!

Verdict: Do not wear when drunk.

Pair with the No Strap Handbag for your inconvenience.
Pair with the No Strap Handbag for your inconvenience.
When these slippers are almost worn out, they would make a novelty gardening shoe.
When these slippers are almost worn out, they would make a novelty gardening shoe.

19. Mole Slippers

Very furry, very realistic. Mole Slippers are perfect for those who like to hide away in their beds, eating nuts and worms late at night. Made from taxidermied moles, you’ll find that smelly feet fit right in with these slippers, as they are so disgusting that no one will want to look at them for long anyway. Pair them with a fur dressing gown and a fur balaclava for a fur party.

Verdict: For solitary individuals who prefer not to share their shoes.

WARNING: These shoes may be discouraging to real geese when they see a competitor “eating” the all the food. Be prepared to be pecked.
WARNING: These shoes may be discouraging to real geese when they see a competitor “eating” the all the food. Be prepared to be pecked.

20. Goose Heels

While this season of bizarre shoes seems to be incorporating lots of birds in it, let me present the Goose Heels, which will make you feel quite the goose if you were to wear them anywhere other than on a goose farm. With feet and legs in them, they look rather ornamental, kind of like you are forcing a goose into the ground. I imagine they would be nice in summer, matched with a floaty lacy white dress.

Verdict: Wear to a farmer’s meet, farmer’s market, farm dance, goose farm lawn party or just feeding the geese.

Put on a singlet, boxer shorts and hang a damp towel around your neck when wearing these to be mistaken for some sort of professional boxer.
Put on a singlet, boxer shorts and hang a damp towel around your neck when wearing these to be mistaken for some sort of professional boxer.

21. Boxing Glove Boots

Loosely defined as “boots” but more like slippers, these boxing glove shoes are a supa dupa hit with anyone who wants to make a statement about boxing or kickboxing. The interesting shoelace formation on the heel and sole allow for sweat to escape from the feet, so the fighter in you can keep at it in the ring and still have traction!

Verdict: Great for a boy’s night out, where you might want to kick someone after a few drinks.

22. Back-To-Front High Heels

If you’re the sort of person who enjoys confusing people, these very, VERY high heels will help you achieve that. I’m sure these shoes were born in a Romanian hostel after a heavy night out on drugs – whoever she was, she was lucky she wasn’t trying to put on her underwear. Since then, these shoes have escalated to catwalk fame and fashion and like all catwalk footwear designs, are awfully uncomfortable and painful to wear.

Verdict: Great for art shows, modern design shows and any shows where the weirdest object wins.

These heels are great for self-defense. Like the Hairbrush Heels, you can cause massive damage where it is wanted least.
These heels are great for self-defense. Like the Hairbrush Heels, you can cause massive damage where it is wanted least.
It will be interesting to see if a male version is produced as well.
It will be interesting to see if a male version is produced as well.

23. Naughty Clogs

Never have wooden clogs been so popular in Holland! The manufacturers of these clogs knew what would sell and went for it. I’m still trying to figure out why there’s a bubble right on the front aureole, but other than that I can see that both men and women would adore them - men for the obvious reasons, women because it makes men leave the real thing alone. And I guess if you ever tire of them, you can always plant tulips inside and display them proudly on your windowsill.

Verdict: For wearing to silly parties, or just around the house.

Make a chain mail skirt to match, along with a rusty chain necklace.
Make a chain mail skirt to match, along with a rusty chain necklace.

24. Prison Heels

At first I thought these heels were supposed to be a Dominance theme, but I changed my mind after looking closer and seeing the rust on the chains. Obviously created with decades of hard labour in mind, the Prison Heels immediately attract images of slave labour camps and chain gangs in the earlier part of this century. Apart from the actual shoe bit of course. I don’t know if the chains are welded into place to make them stand as a strong sole on their own, but it certainly looks that way.

Verdict: Wear these if you are in charge of a bunch of worthless prisoners. Or if you are visiting sailors at the docks.

Beware of tangling yourself in stair rails with these.
Beware of tangling yourself in stair rails with these.

25. Spunky Monkey Sandals

They look cute. They make you look adorable. But they snag everything you walk near, from the neighbour’s prized agapanthus to the local school’s playground rubbish. Custom made for people who like to collect trash, you’ll find on windy days that the blowing papers and leftover food wrappers that get caught in the monkey curls will reap some real delights for your collection. If you can upcycle a curly chair arm as a tail to match, you’ll really be able to rake it in!

Verdict: Great if you want to be like a monkey, ie., smelly, scampering around and cleaning fleas out of your clothes.

© 2013 Suzanne Day

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    • savvydating profile image

      Yves 4 months ago

      Wow! I've never seen such ugly shoes in my life. It's a little depressing that someone took the time to even come up with these horrid ideas. The Cloven Toe boot is the only thing that looks half-way normal. The rest are truly horrible!!!

      Nevertheless, this piece is very entertaining. Enjoyed your wit!

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 2 years ago from Northern California, USA

      Wow! What WERE they thinking? I like your apparel suggestions.

    • ubrish profile image

      ubrish ali 2 years ago from Pakistan(Asia)

      In my country ,people don't like these types of shoes

    • June Webb profile image

      Jenifer Weber 2 years ago from New Brighton, PA

      Very interesting. Never new so many confusing and weird shoes existed. Great job and well done. I love the comedy you provided this morning about these crazy shoes.

    • Perpendicular profile image

      Ian 2 years ago from Colorado

      The zipper one actually looks cool. Front to back heels? What head does something like that come out of?

    • Terrie Dawson profile image

      Terrie Dawson 2 years ago from United States

      Awesome collection!! A great research on shoes.

    • Besarien profile image

      Besarien 2 years ago

      Looking down at my plain little shoes, I feel so unfashionable. Really fun hub!

    • abrodech profile image

      Anya Brodech 2 years ago from 130 Linden St, Oakland, California, 94607

      I actually like number 9 and think that they're really pretty, I think I saw them in some fashion magazine like vogue before. All the other shoes are either deepky disturbing or just the artists imagination run amuck

      Anya

    • Suzanne Day profile image
      Author

      Suzanne Day 2 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

      LOL - some of them are probably as comfortable as sticking a bare foot into a starving rat's cage....thought it was weird you wanted to buy them....

    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 2 years ago from Orlando Florida

      Only kidding about wanting to buy them. But thanks.

    • Suzanne Day profile image
      Author

      Suzanne Day 2 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

      Hi Catherine, many of these are designer shoes, one-of-a kind shoes or are sold through various distributors in different countries. They aren't usually on Amazon or Ebay. Your best best is to Google them and see if they are available in your local area. Cheers ;)

    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 2 years ago from Orlando Florida

      It truly proves you can find some weird stuff on the internet. I didn't see any photo credits. Where can I buy them.

    • DealForALiving profile image

      Sam Deal 3 years ago from Earth

      It's scary that you found these 25 bizarre shoes! There are a lot of whackos out there!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Oh I just loved these!!! Made me smile big time!

    • suziecat7 profile image

      suziecat7 3 years ago from Asheville, NC

      I really don't know why anyone would even consider the alien fluid ones. What a fun Hub! Thanks.

    • carrie Lee Night profile image

      Kept private 3 years ago from Northeast United States

      Very Fun and different hub indeed :). I think designers were going for an art aspect or gag gift idea instead of practicality. I like the cloven toe boots because they remind me of real ninja shoes. Thank you for taking the time to bring fabulous attention to the world style. Have a wonderful week.

    • WriterJanis profile image

      Janis 3 years ago from California

      I'm speechless. I don't think there any more bizarre shoes then you have assembled here. Voted up.

    • Monis Mas profile image

      Aga 3 years ago

      Awesome article! I can't believe some of those. So... ugly :-)

    • angryelf profile image

      angryelf 3 years ago from Tennessee

      An EPIC list! I've wanted those cow hoof shoes for a while. I'd totally wear them!!!! I don't remember where I saw them first... but I thought it was neat that you included them too. I had no idea you had this, and I'm glad I saw it. Voted awesome!!!!

    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 3 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      Wow....just wow......the ice shoes and the rat shoes were really creepy! What an interesting and unique subject. Who knew?

    • Susan Recipes profile image

      Susan 3 years ago from India

      Oh my God they look so horrible... Thanks for sharing. Voted up.

    • kiwinana profile image

      Elsie Hagley 3 years ago from New Zealand

      No way would I wear any of these bizarre shoes and those rat slippers they would make me stay in bed all day if I had to put them on my feet.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      These are amazing Suzanne. After your last hub on weird shoes I didn't think there could be any stranger in the world, but these did it. Crazy!

      I must admit the 'boob clogs' do have some attraction...lol. Voted up.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      These are too weird not to pin. Some of them funny, others really yuck Man I am boring by comparison.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Truly ugly! The human hair ones kind of make me nauseous. :) Thanks for the entertainment this morning.

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 3 years ago from Oakley, CA

      My goodness!!! What will those crazy designers come up with next?? I cannot imagine anyone seriously wearing a single one of these crackpot-inspired shoes. What a waste of time and money in the design process.

      Shaking my head.

      Thanks for providing another look at the bizarre side of our society.

      Voted up and funny.