5 Reasons to Wear Short Skirts
I need to set the world straight. Women do not wear short skirts for men. When they do wear short skirts for other people, it just might be to show off in front of other girls, though I do not think that people flaunt miniskirts for that reason, either.
Wearing short skirts is awesome—and for more reasons than you might expect. I should know. I adhere to short skirts like a religion. I wear them regardless of season, occasion, or time of day. I get a lot of mileage out of them—and I'm not talking about getting attention, because I'm rather reclusive and shy.
Let us break the monotonous cycle of misinformation. Here are five REAL reasons why women, myself included, wear short skirts:
Let's start with a bit of culture. Before you knock me off as a woman of loose dressing morals, keep in mind that for most of—well, half of—my life, skirts were entirely out of the picture. Everyone wore pants! I wore pants! Pants abounded!
And then I was introduced to culture. And Cake. You know, that band with the fantastic lyrics and trumpets and the grape-scented albums.
Along with culture (and Cake) came the adoration of short skirts. Cake specifically left me with Short Skirt/Long Jacket, which acts as a convenient microcosm for my societal brainwashing as well as the contents of my closet.
Take a moment and think of all the movies, magazines, models, shows, songs, and stars that have put short skirts on a pedestal. I dare you to tell me with a straight face that you still think women wear short skirts for other people. But I am not finished yet. Let us proceed.
Face it. Nearly every short skirt out there is more aesthetically interesting than a pair of pants—or even a long skirt (this was, of course, not the case when petticoats were still the norm). They have more flare and verve. They also do more for pleats than their midi or maxi sisters.
Short skirts do more to show off the leg, not to mention boots, knee socks, thigh highs, and shoes, which are more often than not sadly concealed under pants and long skirts
Believe it or not, short skirts are great for lazy people. As they are so small, they are exceedingly easy to put on. In all honesty, they are the closest modern alternative to loin cloths, and everyone knows clothing gets neither easier nor more rudimentary than those garments.
What's more, short skirts make the cumbersome task of going to the bathroom (which, tragically for women, always requires sitting down) far easier as they can simply be hiked up (and to to their spare yardage, even the hiking is reduced to more of a from-couch-to-fridge stroll). No doubt this has already spared me at least a collective two hours I would have otherwise spent fumbling with pants, long skirts, or (god forbid) overalls.
Believe me, I tried to give midi and maxi skirts a try. Really, I did. And what did it get me? A sprained ankle. True story.
The fact of the matter is that medium and long skirts, especially pencil skirts and narrow skirts, severely restrict movement. And long skirts that have lots of fabric get caught on things and can entangle and trip their incapacitated wearers. I have walked around cities in giant goose costumes (another true story) that are easier to move in than some of my cute medium/long skirts. It's infuriating.
Any girl who wants to take broad bounds and leaps, kick stuff, lunge, and even walk aggressively must wear a short skirt. It is a simple mechanical issue.
Obviously pants are an alternative, but short skirts are far more fun to wear.
Believe it or not, short skirts lead to excellent fitness. Bear with me.
- First, they remind the wearer of the importance of regular exercise. While it is easy to hide inconvenient fitness truths under baggy clothes and pants, short skirts bear one's body for the whole world to see. This keeps the wearer honest- and conscientious about gym attendance.
- Second, short skirt wearers are more likely than their safely swaddled counterparts to stand rather than sit. Why? Because sitting in a public place whilst wearing a short skirt is gross. Downright disgusting.
A bunch of studies have been making their way toward the media referring to how disgusting seats on public transport are. These seats, laced with viruses and fecal matter, are so gross that even the jean-wearing masses hesitate to use them. Those wearing short skirts, which pretty much don't provide any intermediary between seats and panty-clad bottoms, are even more averse to the prospect.
Even if one is not germ phobic, sitting in short skirts can still be less than ideal. Once I had the bad judgment to sit down on a metal painted chair in a hot building. When I stood up after an hour, half the paint had fused to my legs and came off with me. This has happened more than once.
Short Skirts Make You Stand
My ultimate point is that sitting is inconvenient for short skirters, and for this reason, they stand whenever given the option to do so.
Standing inspires movement, and even when done in a stationery manner, requires more muscle use. Hence standers are, on the whole, doing more to keep fit.
As a side note, standers also spend more time in positions of dominance. I mean, someone on her feet is always going to appear more powerful than someone slouched into a chair.
Finally, those wearing short skirts are making the most of a fleeting opportunity. Neither their age nor fitness will last for long. The body is a tool. An asset. A toy. You can choose to take good care of it and fully utilize it, or you can ignore, or even stifle, its manifold features.
Different people choose to celebrate different aspects of their bodies—their strength, their voices, their minds, and yes, their legs. Those wearing skirts are simply doing the most they can with an excellent and fleeting opportunity. Some might call doing so gauche, distasteful, or even irresponsible, but I call it smart.
Long Live Short Skirts!
I will admit that short skirts are not for all body types and all ages. I will also concede that short skirts are not always the appropriate thing to wear. But when the body type, age, and situation are aligned in favor of these minuscule garments, they are definitely worth wearing. So consider your personal constellations. Can a short skirt factor in? I hope so!