Fanny Packs: Blessing or Curse?
This is a serious piece about what I call a "fashion absurdity": the fanny pack. Yes, the fanny pack. Why did I choose this subject? The overall reason is that I have not seen one line written on this slightly-controversial topic in the now-going on five years I have enjoyed on HubPages. This is not to state that there has never been an article published about fanny packs, it's just that I wanted to attack this topic and give you a full measure of what I think about fanny packs.
Let's Enjoy Some More "Fanny Facts"
Fanny packs are not what you would call a popular topic. Fanny packs are not sexy, cool, or seen often in places visited by Paris Hilton. Hey, you do not even see Hilton, the super-party-heiress, wearing a fanny pack. Ever. This might be "the" only thing about her that I do like.
I would say that I have carved out a decent beginning to my lecture about fanny packs. I just wish that fanny packs had a history of being associated with American standards such as "Gone With The Wind," Roy Rogers (a fanny pack would be the only thing that would make Rogers lose his temper), John "Duke" Wayne and legendary productions on Broadway such as: "Cats."
Secret Fact Exposed:
Fanny pack is an international craze
A fanny pack (also known as a belt pack, belly bag, buffalo pouch, hip sack, phanny pack, waist bag, waist-pack, butt pack (US), waist wallet (Canada), hip pack (UK), belt bag (Philippines), bum bag (UK, South America, Australia, New Zealand) or Gee Bag (Ireland)) is a small fabric pouch usually secured with a zipper and worn by use of a strap around the hips or waist.
Questions Have Risen
About fanny packs. There is no avoiding the cringing, uneasy feeling you get (if you are a wearer of a fanny pack) when you hear a common, law-abiding citizen ask, "What is that around your waist, a girl's purse?" I would wager that this one question was asked many times when the fanny pack first debuted around waists of people famous or non-famous.
This is why I entitled this piece:
I will do my best to address the main concerns and questions that might be associated with fanny packs and the people who wear them.
Would you wear a fanny pack?
Might be the "fanny pack in the room" as it were, as why people would wear something called a "fanny pack."
Convenience: Look at how much time a fanny pack saves you when you need a dollar to get through an entrance to some event that calls for monetary charges. A fanny pack totally eliminates the digging and scratching around in your purse or wallet to get that buck to get inside the event and be seated.
Safety should be the number one reason for wearing a fanny pack. Why? Let's say you are going to a foreign country where crime is rampid. Do you really want to run the risk of keeping your money and valuables in a purse or wallet only to have them shrewdly stolen from you in broad-open daylight? No. Of course not. With the fanny pack, you are in total control for you can see and feel it at anytime.
Filing Away smaller things you might need on your walking tour or even jogging. Where else would you store your drivers license, identification and mace? Well, instead of having several places to store these items, now you have only one place to store them with the fanny pack.
Intimidation: I have changed my mind about "safety" being the number one reason for wearing a fanny pack. This reason should reign as the number one reason for a man or woman going out in public wearing a fanny pack. Why? It's a matter of common logic. What thug would dare try to attack (and rob) anyone, even a wimpy guy, who dares to be seen in a dangerous neighborhood wearing a fanny pack? Not many. Thugs feel (those who do think) that if this weak-looking wimp with thick horn rim glasses is brave enough to wear a fanny pack, then he must be brave enough to withstand a beat down.
Unwanted attention will surely come your way if you are not known for fanny pack wearing if you start to make a "big change" in our social image and "that" "big change" is wearing fanny pack to work, dinner and even to church. I can tell you from what I have read about fanny packs, you, being the average citizen, will get chuckles muffled under people's breath, eyebrows shooting straight up, and those annoying fake coughs or clearing of throats by your associates who have always seen you as an obscure person. It will come. Think before you secure those velcro straps around your waist.
Being taken advantage of by friends who see your fanny pack as a neat place for them to store their valuables. You will certainly hear, "Aww, Jim. Come on. Be a pal. We've been friends for years and remember that one time you were flirting with that new gal, and she threatened to tell you wife, and I, your best friend, stepped in to take care of that would-be nasty situation? I thought you would remember that. Now let me place my car keys, wallet, sunglasses and lip balm in your fanny pack.
Insecurity in your persona will surface if you are a first-time fanny pack wearer. Now unless you enjoy being berated and tongue lashed, do not start wearing a fanny pack. Your self esteem will thank you.
If You Are a tad overweight and it shows in your girth, please, for me, do not wear a fanny pack before you drop a few, no, a lot of poundage. When you put on a fanny pack, it acts as an extension of your stomach and you do not need the harassment.
Thank you for reading my piece. Now pardon me while I ponder my own article about if "I" should start changing my image and wear a fanny pack.
Good night, Fresno, California.
The fanny pack on Hollywood's stage
© 2016 Kenneth Avery